Am I geek because I understand the humor in this?
Phone Sex for Geeks
Thursday, March 27, 2008
1:21 PM
Posted by
Loaki
Today's Reading Assignments
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
3:46 PM
Posted by
Loaki
I was having a good old time on the web today and came across a few things to share, enjoy!
What Life Will Be Like In The Future - November, 2008
The Top 7... Stereotypical gamers we hate
6. RPG snobs
Usually plays: Any RPG and/or "something you wouldn't understand"
Favorite snacks: Dhalmel pie, Bland grilled shark fin (STA +1)
We relish any chance to talk shop about our favorite hobby with fellow gamers, except when we're confronted by one of these - a hyperventilating nerdlinger who looks at us like we're farting Philistines for wanting to pull off the occasional headshot or kickflip. With so much time spent indoors, they don't understand how low on the social ladder they rank, and how little the cultural impact of a spell-casting cat-person in a buckled leotard matters to anyone. We'd rather hang out with the ghost of Adolf Hitler then hear about the finer nuances of Lady Yuna's Tickle Summon.
Usurping the Throne of Snobbery from the once mighty record store employee, they've also donned themselves with some kind of omniscient Gate Keeper status, using their false sense of authority to talk unsubstantiated shit about anything you can't import from
"Do you have Grand Thef-"
"Pedestrian!"
Next time, kick him in his Forgotten Scepter before he can sneer at his own, barely ironic, aside. We promise - he won't fight back.
___________________________________________________________________What Life Will Be Like In The Future - November, 2008
IT’S
___________________________________________________________________
The Top 10 Video Game Easter Eggs
The Egg: When you start the game type in “Zelda” as you character name to unlock the 2nd quest mode.
The System: NES
Don’t expect to breeze through this game these monsters are tougher and items are more difficult to get.
___________________________________________________________________
Top 5 Botched PC Game Launches
Books could be written about everything that went wrong with Vanguard, and that's before you do any real digging into the early development mess, where the money bled off to, what EverQuest co-creator and Sigil CEO Brad McQuaid was doing through all of it, and what happened in the parking lot afterward. Shoved out the door way too early for what were admitted to be financial reasons, the game was just plain half-baked, plagued by enough bugs, missing content, and instability to compete with the very best of the worst. From little things like a "display hoods/helmets" option that didn't do anything because none of the hoods or helmets in the game even had any graphics to frequently previewed back-of-the-box features like flying mounts that didn't make it into the game until long, long after release.
Vanguard staggered away from its absolute train wreck of a launch and slowly, steadily recovered. These days, it's pretty well healed up and finally living up to promises that were made and broken long before. But it's still hard to forget that, until lately, players were paying for the privilege of participating in a really, really long beta.
Star Wars Galaxies
Monday, March 24, 2008
1:20 PM
Posted by
Loaki
OMG, I used to love this game. I spent hundreds of hours playing. It was awesome! I could play however I wanted. I started as an Entertainer, making it to Master Dancer/Master Musician. Then there was the ability to change classes…whenever I wanted. So I moved to Master Doctor/Master Pistoleer. Holy crap, that rocked!
THEN, Sony Online Entertainment (SOE) decided that the game wasn’t fun…not sure how they decided that, but they did. So, they introduced the “Combat Upgrade” which was quickly followed by the “New Game Experience”, later called “New Game Enhancements” aka NGE. That’s when they broke the game. They removed professions, they introduced a numbered leveling system and they forced you to group…on just about everything. OK, OK, grouping is fun. BUT, if there is nearly NO WAY to go out and solo, it’s very frustrating. There were times when I just wanted to go complete some missions on my own and I didn’t always feel like wasting an hour standing around yelling to form a pick up group (which almost always resulted in having some idiotic douche ruin it). The changes were so bad that TONS of subscribers left…immediately. I stuck it out, I had hoped it would get better, it didn’t. After a few more months of trudging through the game, I finally let it go. It was tough. I had tried a few other games of the MMORPG variety, but didn’t find anything I liked much. I’m currently playing Vanguard: Saga of Heroes and it’s really cool. I have fun and I’m able to solo or group and pretty much play however I want. But, you know what? If SWG were ever changed back to the original version of the game, I’d go back in a second. I miss it.
Call of the Day summed it up very well:
"StarWars Galaxies was groundbreaking when it was released - it didn’t continue to flood the monotony that was the “run here. Kill/collect/deliver this. Run back. Repeat.” MMO market. It instead allowed you to do whatever the hell you wanted - some folks would never ever be caught in open combat. They’d simply stick to setting up resource refineries, selling on raw materials, building weapons, building houses, training creatures, joining bands - everything. And of course, if you wanted it your way, you could run around shooting everything in sight. And it was perfect. There was no set level system - everything experience related was down to how you played. You could be a master rifleman within a month, and stick with that if you were happy. And for those wanting a true grind - there was the Jedi quest. People have spent over a year on this grind, to finally be rewarded with an all-powerful character slot - the basic idea being that they can literally change the whole course of the game if they worked this hard.
And then SOE decided this system wasn’t working. Let’s make it “more iconic” they said. People like World of Warcraft. Let’s give them that. And so it started. Most of the non-grind classes were just removed from the game. The set levelling system (ala level one to seventy) took over. The results were so catastrophically bad that SOE have infact released a public apology for ruining an otherwise good game, and offered refunds to many players. Starwars Galaxies has now gone from one of the most populated games online to one that is slowly making its way towards retirement."
A Brief History of the Home Video Game Console
10:38 AM
Posted by
Loaki
Cynical-C had a link to this today. The 2600 was my first system...and I still have it! Here's the entry for this system:
Atari VCS 2600
Released in 1977
The Atari 2600, released in 1977, is the first successful video game console to use plug-in cartridges instead of having one or more games built in. It was originally known as the Atari VCS, for Video Computer System, and the name "Atari 2600" (taken from the unit's Atari part number, CX2600) was first used in 1982, after the release of the more advanced Atari 5200.
The initial price was $199 with a library of 9 titles. In a play to compete directly with the Channel F, Atari named the machine the Video Computer System (or VCS for short), as the Channel F was at that point known as the VES, for Video Entertainment System. When Fairchild learned of Atari's naming they quickly changed the name of their system to become the Channel F.
Atari expanded the 2600 family with two other compatible consoles. The Atari 2700, a wireless version of the console was never released due to design flaws. The Sleek Atari 2800 released to the Japanese market in 1983 suffered from competition from the newly-released Nintendo Famicom.
There are tons of systems described, check it out and see how many you had!
I got started on consoles, but most of my gaming is limited to my PC now. I still love my Wii, though! I remember when I was young, I was SO jealous of my friends who had Intellivision, Colecovision, or any type of computer.
In order, I had/have:
Atari 2600 (still own it)
NES (still own it)
Sega Genesis (still own it)
Super NES (traded in to get N64)
Nintendo 64 (still own it)
Playstation2 (still own it)
Wii (of course, still own it)
How about you?
Hardcore Gamer Granny
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
1:41 PM
Posted by
Loaki
Spring is in the Air!
Friday, March 14, 2008
12:55 PM
Posted by
Loaki
Last week I complained about a snow storm, today I am rejoicing in a beautifully sunny and (relatively) warm day! I’m sure it’ll cool down a little before spring actually arrives, but it’s days like this that really get me excited for warmer days. It’s really pushed me to seriously consider what type of landscaping I’ll do to my house. Since it’s new, we have NOTHING. I’m all over planting and nursery websites. I’m having the best time choosing the plants and trees that will adorn my front and backyard.
Not only all of that, but I’m also just plain happy today. Everyone around here is happy today. I think it’s all those months of clouds and cold that make us a bunch of crabs all winter. Now that the sun is shining and I don’t have to bundle up to walk to the car, I feel a sense of relief.
I’ve found some useful spring maintenance tips from State Farm. I’m not a client and this isn’t an ad, they just have some good things to think about on there.
It’s getting to be spring cleaning time and I found a real estate agent who offers a ton of tips and tricks for getting it done effectively.
Do you have allergies? Luckily, that gene skipped me. If you do, here are some tips for fighting spring allergies.
Cheesy Spring Jokes…
Q. What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A. Spring-time!
Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers!
Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May!
Q. What flowers grow on faces?
A. Tulips (Two-lips)!
Q. Why is the letter A like a flower?
A. A bee (B) comes after it!
Online Sales and Scammers
Monday, March 10, 2008
11:48 AM
Posted by
Loaki
I’ve sold enough things online to know a scammer when I see one. Things that generally stick out are:
1) Generic Greetings with no mention or questions about the item being sold
2) Poor grasp on the English language.
3) Uses generic email address ie: @yahoo.com, @hotmail.com
4) Is not in the
5) Wants a lot of personal info, but gives NONE
6) BONUS: Liberal use of “God Bless” or other religious phrasing
I’m selling a couple things on Craigslist right now and today I’ve lured a scammer into my domain. I generally like to mess with them for a while and waste their time so they have less time to mess with the more naïve sellers. What I do isn’t original, nor my idea. I just love hearing the stories about this stuff so I thought I’d have my own fun.
Here are places you can read more stories like mine:
This isn’t my first foray into this activity, I’ve wasted time on it before, but I usually get bored with it and let it die. Luckily for me, today’s contestant is responding fairly quickly which is keeping me interested.
The following is the “conversation” between the scammer and myself. Unfortunately, they didn’t last as long as I’d hoped. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.
Scammer in blue.
Me in black.
My sidenotes in red.
From: Pauline Tason (paulinetason@hotmail.com)
Date: Thu,
Subject: Nikon N-80 35MM Complete Camera Package - $325
Hi,
Kindly get back to me with your firm price.
God bless.
Ding ding ding. This one had all the great markers…let’s have some fun.
From: Me
Date: Thu,
Hi,
Where are you located and when would you like to pick up the camera?
God Bless.
PS Make an offer
I like to inject a little of their own stuff. I don’t mention the item, nor the price and I had to spread God’s love as well.
From: Pauline Tason (paulinetason@hotmail.com)
Date: Thu,
I think the amount you want to sell it is OK by me, I will want you to provide me with your paypal account for the payment to be send immediately or if did not have paypal account provide me your Full name and Address so that i will send the money through Money Order.
so you don't need to bother yourself regarding the shipping charge.
Waiting to hear from you.
Mrs.Pauline Tanson
Wow, full price! Amazing. First they want my bottom line, now the asking price is A-ok! Fab!
From: Me
Date: Thu,
I have a paypal account associated with this email address. I will also need to know where you are located so I can tell you how to pick up this item or tell you how much shipping will cost.
Praise the Lord
I so wanted them to tell me they were in
From: Pauline Tason (paulinetason@hotmail.com)
Date: Thu,
Hi,
Kindly understand that am not in the country now,but i will pay you with the shipping fee and when you get it you ship it for my daughter.
God bless
So, I’m getting closer! “not in the country now”…HA! Not ever!
From: Me
Date: Thu,
OK, well I will still need to know where I'm shipping the item so I can send it to your daughter.
Jesus is the Lord
No response…so I ramp it down a notch.
From: Me
Date: Thu,
All I need is a zip code so I can check USPS for the shipping costs. You can get me any other pertinent information later.
Hallalujah
Tah Dah!
From: Pauline Tason (paulinetason@hotmail.com)
Thu,
My daughter's address,
Uwani-Enugu
Enugu-State
23442.
God bless
I looked up the address, apparently her daughter lives at a video store...Results of an address search.
From: Me
Date: Thu,
Oh mercy, that's a long ways away! What in heaven's name is your daughter doing in
I've looked it up and shipping to
Jesus is my co-pilot
I assume I’m done with this one, no response. Maybe I over did it a little. But it was fun!
Snow Day
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
11:46 AM
Posted by
Loaki
The above is the view out my window at work. I’m getting sick of this crap. It’s March 5th for crying out loud! This is how our winter has been this year: Inches of Snow -> Days of Bitter Cold -> 1 Day Warm Enough to Melt Snow -> Inches of Snow…Repeat until fully frustrated.
I’m not a fan of winter, but I have to live in the wintry place because I have kids who have grandparents who live in the wintry place. I suffer for the children!
Another thing about winter that bothers me…shoveling. Here’s the deal, I don’t even shovel our snow, that’s hubby’s job. BUT, when he’s done shoveling, he’ll come in and complain about how heavy it is and he’s tired and sore. EVERY TIME I tell him to buy a snowblower. His response: “You don’t by a snowblower in winter”. Um, ok, I’ll wait until we have an outside temp of 88 degrees then? This logic makes zero sense to me, especially since we live in an area where snowblowers are usually sold out/unavailable after 1 month of snowy crap…leaving 2 months (at least) to deal with the snow SANS SNOWBLOWER.
Winter is one of the four seasons of temperate zones. North American calendars go by astronomy and state that winter begins on the winter solstice and ends on the vernal equinox. Calculated meteorologically, it begins and ends earlier (typically at the start of the month with the equinox or solstice) and is the season with the shortest days and the lowest temperatures. Either way, it generally has cold weather and, especially in the higher latitudes or altitudes, snow and ice. The coldest average temperatures of the season are typically experienced in January in the Northern Hemisphere and in July in the Southern Hemisphere.
Funny Winter Sports Accidents
Time Magazine Article from 1949…Wait, weather was weird BEFORE global warming?
This winter the western half of the
Ah, I love winter humor…
Old Home
We purchased an old home in
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
"For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to
Ah, the interweb
Monday, March 3, 2008
4:00 PM
Posted by
Loaki
The internet is a dazzling place, full of wonder and sparkle. It's a funny place, though. There are rules and guidelines and tutorials. I'm still amazed that after having the internets around so long, my parents are still SO CLUELESS. My parents manage to completely break their computers once every year or so and because of this, I have to "reconnect" them to the interweb. The funny thing is, they don't have a network, and they don't have dial-up...they have DSL. They refuse to believe me when I tell them that with DSL they are always online, too! My mom insists that she will need the latest version of AOL so she can get on the internet and check her email. NOTHING I say can change her mind on that. She is right and I am stupid...which is why I have to hook them back up to the internets.
How to Behave on an Internet Forum
Unwritten Internet Rules
(I'm sure I've broken some of these)
Unwritten Rule 1: When in doubt, create a link that reads "click here."
In the Internet's early days, when people were trying to create momentum on a Web page, it was necessary to instruct people what to do and where to do it. So, the "click here" hyperlink was born. It's overstayed its welcome.
People know what to do when they see a hyperlink. Telling them to "click here" is equivalent to placing road signs every couple of yards that read "Stay on the road."
Example following the rule:
The X-Arcade 2 Player is guaranteed for life. To read our lifetime warranty, click here.
Now, let's break the rule:
See how your X-Arcade 2 Player is guaranteed for life.
Unwritten Rule 2: Use lots of "more info" links.
People want more info, right? But info about what? It seems adding a few extra words to the "more info" hyperlink is cost-prohibitive. No one seems willing to tell me what info I'll get when I click the link. Do those extra few letters cost money?
Example of following that rule:
Microsoft Word is the industry-standard word processor. It has a seemingly endless number of features, each designed to help you be more productive while creating and revising documents. More Info
Let's break the rule:
Microsoft Word is the industry-standard word processor. See Microsoft Word's seemingly endless number of features, each designed to help you be more productive while creating and revising documents.
Which is more persuasive?
Unwritten Rule 3: Use as many vague hyperlinks as possible, such as "read more," "continue reading," and "next."
Same as rule 2. What will I be reading more about? Why can't you tell me what will happen when I click?
Instead of "Read more," why not "Read more about how this Magic Widget can help you work smarter and faster"?
Instead of "Continue reading," why not "Continue reading this article"?
Tell people specifically what happens next: "Next: enter your billing information."
For more Rules, READ HERE :)Oldie But a Goodie
The 10 Commandments of Gaming
GamerHelp 666:10, 1st Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Be Offended by Harsh Language
It's going to happen. Somewhere, somehow, in the future, someone you're playing a game with online is going to say "holy flying greased Jesuses, we're being attacked by flying ass-rapists from the abortionist dimension!" Or something like that. Anyone who's ever been on Xbox Live knows that 90% of the words in the English language either begin or end with the F-word.
Therefore, it is entirely pointless to get offended by anything anyone says during gameplay. For Christ's sake, we're all playing games in which we blow each other into little bloody bits, does it really make sense to be offended by cursing amidst the carnage?
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:11, 2nd Commandment
Thou Shalt Keep Holy the Sabbath
Sunday, SUN-day SUNDAY! To hell with church. Sunday is for gaming. It is only day of the week when you can really assure yourself that you've got nothing else going on from morning to night. Or at least, that's the way it should be. Saturday nights are for drinking, Friday nights are for chasing tail, but Sunday is for staying in and shooting zombies.
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:12, 3rd Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Take Bad Endings Lightly
No longer must we suffer from craptacular endings like the ones we once endured on the NES. The credits certainly fit in well at the end of the game, but if all you get when a game is over is a long list of the people who made it and a sappy love song, then it's time to write an email to the developers. For too long have we humans put up with shitty endings in our video games. For developers, this is usually done because they're rushing to complete other aspects of the game before ship date. But for players, it's the ultimate insult to all of our efforts. It's not as though adding in a few clips or jokes at the end is impossible or all that time consuming.
Take Capcom's God Hand. Rather than just playing the credits at the end, this game gives us credits AND clips of the game's characters dancing away to the theme music. Adding in this type of clip didn't take a whole lot of effort: just clip the character models to the body joints of a motion-captured dancer, and voila! These endings don't have to be over the top or exceptionally long. But they should show a little bit of creativity, god dammit! Think Pixar's out takes. think Star Control II's final interviews with each of the space races. Think ToeJam and Earl wandering around Funkitron! Think of something other than "You Win. Game Over!"
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:13, 4th Commandment
Thou Shalt Gloat
Halo players know that the ultimate in defeat is being tea-bagged. When you've killed someone in an online game, it's not just time to turn around and hunt for the next victim. It's time to turn on the mic and laugh triumphantly, like a retarded janitor with a bagel in his nose. Don't be afraid to hit the taunt button, or to run over to that dead Heavy Weapons Guy, and do your little Pyro happiness dance. While it's certainly not recommended that you start getting your racist on, or to joke about their mom, it is entirely appropriate to say that they've been "0wnzor3d."
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:14, 5th Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Rig
Not all of us can afford a $3000 computer. Neither, too, can we all buy a 360, a PS3 and a Wii. Rather than drooling over your friends' good fortune at having all of these things, the true gamer simply goes to GameStop or the local Goodwill to find some last generation goodness for 5 bucks a hit. Why, there are thousands of games out there that you've never played, and most of them aren't current generation technology. Better still, go online to a site like Abandonia or the TheUnderdogs.com to download abandoned games for your PC for free. Or, even better still, go get an emulator and try out those NES games you never got a chance to play as a kid. Thou shalt not waste rent money on an Xbox 360 when thou can just as easily buy 30 games for the original Xbox for the same price.
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:15, 6th Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Name Thyself After Thy Own Birthday
Gamer tags aren't so easy to come up with anymore. With thousands of gamers out there registering their nicknames with Xbox Live, or in your favorite MMO, it's a fair chance that your first choice of nickname is already taken. But while all the good ones may seem to have been taken, that is no excuse to name yourself "Steve71685" or "Robert1013". These types of names only make you look like an inbred newbie from West Virginia. There are plenty of good names left out there, and only the ones in Leet Speak, or mimicing a license plate need to have numbers in them. Try using names like "BiscuitOfRage" or "MonkeyButtLuv" or "HalfALoafUvKungFu" or "StonedGnome" or "BackPimplesRossario" or "St00pidDoucher" or "StudBeefPile" or "LunchBox" or any of the thousands of other possibilities! Get creative! Do something original. And for god's sake, keep your f**cking birthday out of your name!
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:16, 7th Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Use FAQs Unless Thou Art Stuck
For GamerHelp, it's all about the FAQs, of course. But you should never go running through those FAQs unless you are specifically stuck somewhere. There is no form of life on this Earth that is lower than that dood who buys a new game and the walkthrough guide at the same time at GameStop. First of all, FAQs are free online, idiot. Second of all, You're probably one of those assholes who sits in front of the TV with the game running and the walkthrough open to page one. It's not a f'ing game if you just read what to do next every time you complete a task, dumbass. Close the book, and figure it out yer damn self.
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:17, 8th Commandment
Thou Shalt Watch Your Buddy's Back
When playing games online, don't let your buddies get back stabbed. It's not cool and it's not friendly. What's the point of playing online with other people if you can't even trust your own teammates to keep you from being being pistol whipped from behind? Keep those eyes open, and watch those corners. You know it's going to happen at some point, and even if you can't stop the guy from attacking, you can at least call out to your pal and say "look out behind you!" Remember, this online gaming thing isn't really worth a damn if the people you play with run off into the enemy base every time they respawn, like some digitized Rambo with a chip on his shoulder.
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:18, 9th Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Take Gaming Too Seriously
We've all been there: you're on a server playing with a bunch of people you've never seen before. The enemy team captures your flag, and someone on your team blows up in a screaming rage over the lack of teamwork. This man (and they are always men) is way too involved. Games are supposed to be fun, not work. If you're really that worried about how the red team does in the next round, spend your time talking strategy, not yelling into the mic about how "Joe3216" is a complete idiot who shouldn't be playing the game at all. This isn't pickup football on the playground, and we don't get to pick teams. You're always going to be saddled with some douche-bag who has one arm and no ears, so just resign yourself to sitting down and trying to work with what you've got. Besides, the feeling of accomplishment is much greater when you win a round knowing that your team is made up entirely of 12 years olds with no thumbs and cleft palettes.
__________________________________________________________________________
GamerHelp 666:19, 10th Commandment
Thou Shalt Save Early, and Save Often
There aren't too many games, these days, that remove points or bonuses from the player based on the number of times they save. This used to be something of a common practice, back when game developers saw the player as a toy with which to play and squeeze. But today, developers know better. They know we all hate running through the same corridor 33 times and dying on the same jump over and over again. That's why they offer more save spots, save-anywhere features, and on-the-fly difficulty adjustments. With all these wonderful helpers, however, there are still gamers who like to live on the edge. When the scene ends and the level is over, they say "NO" to "Do you want to save?" They don't use the save rooms, and they never turn the machine off. These are the maniacs who try to beat Final Fantasy XII in one sitting. And these are the people we do not want to emulate. Save early, save often. You never know when the power may go out and you'll be stuck trying to kill the same goddamn monsters over and over again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)